The Heart Within The Shadows
by iceyly
Summary: Drabble series, AUish? - There is something warm about the darkness, something familiar, something soothing that makes him feel much, much younger than he truly is and for a moment it's almost like someone is ruffling his hair.


I think half the process of writing this can be pretty much summed up with 'Oh my god, idek what this is. orz'. Half the time I really, really like that, half the time I'm kinda (unsure).

But yeah... some of the dialog is from the strwbrymilk's Birth By Sleep subs, since I felt that the japanese version worked better for the story than the official translation.

...idek.

Enjoy?

**Category:** Kingdom Hearts  
><strong>Characters:<strong> Riku, Terra, mentions of others  
><strong>Genre:<strong> Gen, oh idek  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG?  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> Spoiler-ish for Birth by Sleep maybe?  
><strong>Summary:<strong>Drabble series, AUish? - There is something warm about the darkness, something familiar, something soothing that makes him feel much, much younger than he truly is and for a moment it's almost like someone is ruffling his hair.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Kingdom Hearts.

**- The Heart Within The Shadows -**

The first time he has this dream is not too long after leaving Castle Oblivion, in a field right outside of Hollow Bastion, when he passes out near the still slightly lit fire of their camp. It's not very different from his usual dreams, those nightmares he's been having for a while now, dark dreams filled with shadows and shades and him caught right in the middle of them, unable to move, to utter even a word, Ansem's laugh echoing through the darkness, surrounding him, telling him that even though he had won their battle, the war wasn't over, not yet, not ever.

This time though, while he is still surrounded by shadows and shades and thick, thick darkness, they do not attempt to reach for him, do not hold him caught like usually in those dreams.

This time, there is something warm about the darkness, something familiar, something soothing that makes him feel much, much younger than he truly is and for a moment it's almost like someone is ruffling his hair.

And then there is a whisper, a voice he can't quite place, that is yet strangely familiar, like from a forgotten memory or a far-off dream.

'Why do you want to get stronger?'

'I...'

He doesn't know the answer, not quite... Or rather he _does_... but how can he even dare to say it, dare to think it even just to himself, how can he, when...

Then the soothing touch is back, darkness curling around him almost protectively, whispers muting into a faint rumble, just so that he can't understand the words and wrapped into this feeling Riku fades away.

When he wakes up, he will have slept the most peaceful he has in a very long time.

He won't remember the voice.

* * *

><p>Sometimes, when he is exhausted and tired and fighting for what seems like days without rest, there are moments when his body feels like it is not quite his own. Not in the same way it had been, when Ansem had possessed him, but rather as if there was a large hand guiding his, showing him just how to swing his weapon a little more efficiently, how to drive the enemies off at less costs to himself.<p>

Just once - when he is trapped in a chamber of the Cave of Wonders, surrounded by Fat Bandits, Luna Bandits, Soldiers and light knows what else and at the absolute brick of exhaustion - it becomes something of an out-of-body-experience; it's almost like the strength of his strikes doubles and he is not sure how he - or whoever is guiding him - pulled of that fire spell, when he can hardly summon a flame most of times. But it's that feeling of seeing his blade surrounded by white energy - Light - that stays with him, the last thing he remembers before everything goes still and he stumbles into the darkness, waking up half a day later surrounded by the sound of the waves and lying in the familiar sands of his home world.

He has no idea how he has done half that stuff he did that moment in the Cave of Wonders, but that doesn't keep him from trying to do it again and eventually he manages to somewhat duplicate that blade of light from his clearest memory.

It's nothing like the real thing, but it does the trick for now.

Still, when Namine sees him use his final limit for the first time and asks quietly just where he had learned it, he had shrugged and done his best to dodge the question.

She doesn't need to know, doesn't need to worry about that too on top of the halt of Sora's recovery.

He knows it's not Ansem's power he is leaning on and he knows he should know better than to lean onto a power he doesn't know, a strength that isn't his own.

Right now there isn't much choice though, not when he has Xion and Roxas and Sora's memories within them to worry about, when he needs all strength he can get to make sure his best friend wakes up again.

Besides, there is something familiar within that foreign strength, something that he can't help but trust instinctively for a reason he doesn't know or understand.

For now that will have to be enough.

* * *

><p>Facing Roxas is a strange experience, for one because both of them are not just fighting, but clinging to the memories of <em>her<em>at the same time, memories that escape their grasp more and more with every passing second; for another because this foreign part within him is feeling reluctant, as if it recognized his opponent, as if (he?/she?) it knew the other.

It nudges at him - urging to pull back, to stop this fight right now, reducing his already slim chances of success even more.

He can't listen this time, not when he needs to win this fight and stay alive at the same time, when he has to capture Roxas and bring him to DiZ, because no matter what this not!him-not!Ansem thinks or feels - Sora is more important.

This time it can't take control from him, because this time Riku is focused, and upon the slightest hint of challenge he shoves, shoves, shoves until that presence is pushed behind that darkest veil within himself, behind what remained of the Heartless and its powers.

And when the moment comes, the moment he had awaited and dreaded alike, he doesn't hesitate to reach for just those powers, to cloak himself with it and willingly take the appearance of the man he loathes the most.

But even after he leaves Roxas with DiZ, knowing without doubt that Sora would wake up now, that everything would finally begin to move, even though he maybe should feel glad or somewhat satisfied with himself, he only feels sad.

And maybe somewhere it feels like he's failed.

* * *

><p>He hasn't felt anything of not!him-not!Ansem for months, not since shoving him down, down and away while fighting Roxas. He is generally glad about that - it means he has one thing less to worry about, and if anything <em>another<em> presence he doesn't know and that can possibly try to take control over him, try to keep him from what he _has_to do, is something to worry about.

Yet... it also leaves him lonely at times, when he's just by himself, observing, waiting, thinking just maybe way, way too much about the past, the present and the future he doesn't think he has - not as 'Riku' anyways... and sometimes he really, really misses these dreams he only half-remembers of soothing whispers and Darkness and a hand ruffling his hair.

It's easier when he is with the King or Naminé or DiZ or even Axel, pulling strings in the background as Sora fights his way through the worlds, because even though he doesn't trust the latter two farther than he can throw them, everything is better than being all by himself with only Ansem's darkness to keep him company.

Not that he has really time to linger on that, recently, not when all pieces are coming together and suddenly he is off from just watching out and worrying that they might be found before they intended to be, to actually blocking the lightning fast strikes of Xemnas' blades. He's trapped between a rock and a hard place and right at that moment some sort of help really, _really_would have been appreciated, because one minute into the fight Riku already knows that Axel had been right - even with Ansem's power, he isn't strong enough to defeat Xemnas by himself.

Except that he doesn't need to be strong enough to defeat him, he thinks, teeth grinding together as he defends not just himself, but also Naminé. He doesn't need to be strong enough to defeat Xemnas, as long as he is just strong enough to protect her, he thinks, grip tightening around the Soul Eater as he stands his ground the best he can.

From one moment to another, the world is upside down and Riku isn't fighting but tangled in Light and Darkness and whispers that are familiar-yet-not and a question that's been whispered in his dreams so, so often in the months between Castle Oblivion and his fight with Roxas.

'Why do you want to get stronger?'

This time he isn't hesitating to think the answer, to say it out loud, and for that moment he is five years and answering the question of a stranger from the outside world.

'So I can protect what's important to me. Like my friends, and everyone.'

Foreign pride washes over him as crackling mist of Darkness swirls in the air, twisting, bending, mixing with silver starlight until the weapon in his hand reforms, no longer just a sword, but a Keyblade that is just his own and nobody else's.

And as his world spins again and resettles in reality, he feels not!him-not!Ansem return to the surface of his heart and for some reason it feels right.

* * *

><p>He had been right; things are moving fast now, because Sora has found his way to The World That Never Was, Naminé has freed Kairi and revealed his identity to her (He had known that she didn't like how he hid himself in the shadows, but he had hoped she'd leave him be anyways. He really should have known better.), who in turn had revealed him to Sora (He really, <em>really<em>should have known better.) and now here they are, silently watching as DiZ- Ansem, the Wise, argues with Xemnas.

Then Ansem's- DiZ's machine starts to go haywire - ultimately not that much a surprise, Riku supposes and just nods at his last words and herds everyone back because getting hit by too much Light is maybe almost as bad as getting hit by Darkness and he has already sworn to himself to protect everyone, hasn't he?

He feels the Light wash over him, over his heart, pulling and tearing at the Darkness that isn't his and lifting off that veil it has created and the last thing he sees before blacking out is a figure in the light; once trapped in the Darkness just like him and now set free.

When he wakes up again, half in awe because he had never hoped to be himself again, the first thing he hears and sees is Sora.

He doesn't have much time to do anything aside of getting a grip of himself, because this fight isn't over just yet and it won't be until they have defeated Xemnas, and until then he can't focus on anything beyond that.

Even though for just one moment he wonders about the man in the light and just why he had seemed so familiar.

* * *

><p>They've been back for maybe a week, when the dreams start again, very, very different to what they were before, though Riku still can't recall much of them once he awakens.<p>

He doesn't dream of Darkness anymore.

Instead he dreams of a world between Light and Dark, of a castle he has never seen before and that is yet incredibly familiar. He dreams of training once promised, of sparring in the front yard and a deep voice chuckling and asking: "What's wrong, Riku? Giving up already?"

Later they sit in the gardens, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. It's maybe far from what either of them would like and once he wakes up, all left with him are impressions of feeling maybe slightly humbled, of yearning to learn more, and of feeling strangely sad for reasons he can't quite explain, like he does sometimes when he thinks about those ten months.

It's almost like his heart remembers something his mind has forgotten.

* * *

><p>Eventually, the King's letter arrives and maybe Mickey is right, maybe everything up to now had really been just preparation for whatever is to come. Maybe Sora is not the only one, whose heart is connected, he thinks but never voices, because whatever may be the truth, he'll go either way.<p>

Whatever is waiting out there, this time, they'll fight together from start to finish.

Maybe, maybe, definitely, once they've done that he'll finally be able to make good of a promise given so very long ago, and find the stranger from the outside world.

And somewhere in his heart, he half-hears a whisper that just maybe he has found him already.

_- FIN -_


End file.
